


Heartbroken

by wingedcatninja



Series: Whumptober 2020 [18]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Blood, Death, Emotional pain, F/M, Gore, Grief, Pain, Whump, drugged, hallucination, survivor's guilt, whumptober2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:07:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27333160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingedcatninja/pseuds/wingedcatninja
Summary: Caught up in the hallucinations, Dean is convinced Kat is dead. He struggles with grief and survivor’s guilt.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Whumptober 2020 [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947799
Kudos: 4
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	Heartbroken

**Author's Note:**

> Whumptober 19th. Dean’s POV. I apologize for nothing.

Dean’s recitation of his sins had run its course; now he sat slumped over the bodies of the two people he loved most in the whole world, tears dripping down his face and making a wet spot on the concrete. Shuddering sobs shook him every so often, his hands limp on his lap. Thoughts raced through his mind in a jumble.

_ Why would Chuck take Kat and Sam and let him live? What made him so special? Or, maybe it was his punishment? Why not? Why else would he deserve to live while they died? _

Over and over, the questions rolled around in his head. Try as he might, Dean could find no answers to any of them. Nothing made sense. If anything, he should have been the one to die, considering the evil he had done in Hell. Sam, Kat, they were both good people, truly good. They did not deserve to die in some dank basement where no one would ever know.

As much as Dean wanted to join them in death, he knew that he had to keep going. That would be his punishment; a life without his brother, and the woman he loved. No easy way out for Dean Winchester, no sir. He would fight on, to honor them, to try to earn the right to join them when some monster finally got him. 

Deep down, Dean knew though. Knew that there was no way for him to do enough good to balance the evil he had done while he was in Hell. If he lived for a million years, he would still not be able to balance the scale. 

Another sob wracked him; another tear fell to the floor. They were gone. Out of his reach. Forever. And there was not a damn thing he could do about it. 

He leaned forward, almost falling onto Kat’s body until his forehead rested against her chest. His breath felt warm and moist trapped between them. Her body was already cold. Her body.

Dean clenched his eyes shut, the tears falling onto Kat’s cold skin and trickling down her side. He struggled to draw each breath, his lungs feeling like they were compressed by the big ball of grief sitting right at his solar plexus like a tumor. His chest hurt. Dean wondered briefly if it was possible to die from grief.

Some part of him still waited for the voice to return, to save them all. A small voice at the back of his mind mocked him for his weakness. No one would save them. Save him. He was all alone.


End file.
